Deficating in public places

*Names have been changed to protect the anonymity of my readers

"Spreading feces on the ground is like spreading DNA in a woman's uterus, but when you poo on ground you don't have to pay that bitch 18 years" - Malcom James McCurry*

I enjoy taking a shit on a pretty regular basis. Sometimes, after I go to a fine dining establishment like El Torito or Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles, all I want to do is go poo. Dropping the kids off to the pool, if you must.

But what about if you need to go poo and there is no public toilet available? Well my friends, might I introduce you to outdoor defectation. When I was a wee bit younger, a friend of mine poo-ed in a community garden, and felt he was simply fertilizing the tomatoes and green onions. At the time I was disgusted, but as I am a bit older now, and hence more classy, I should have crapped on the carrot plants. You are what you eat, after all.

A few weeks later, I went to a party to some guy's house who I didn't like. I removed the lid to his toilet tank and I yakked in there. A few other people followed suit. If I wasn't so chicken, I'd have taken a diarrhea in said toilet, but I'll save something for when I'm really in a bad mood.

What I fail to understand, is that if a woman is sucking off a guy, why she so freely ingests his semen, yet when she's rimming the anus of the same guy, she's so reluctant to eat his (ahem) poo. So hypocritical.

If I'm staying at some random girl's house, after a night of nailing her, if I have to go poo, I might be inclined to give her a good old Cleveland Steamer, because it's too much work to go to the bathroom and flush the toilet.