Ziploc Bag vs. Tube Sock vs. Kleenex

As I'm sure you know by now, I am of the gender male, and I occasionally like to stroke my penis for self gratification. When stroking one's penis, the problem often arises of where to put the (how do I say this lightly) semen? Especially when I am self gratifying myself in the bed. That being said, the best place to put one's penis is in a woman's vagina and/or mouth.


There really are three different mechanisms you can use to ensure that the semen does not leave a stain behind and I'm going go over some pros and cons over each one.


1) The Ziploc (or Glad) Plastic Bag: The obvious pro about using a Ziploc bag is simple. You can bag your semen to smear in a girl's hair at some later point in the day. Also, by "bagging" your semen, you can begin collecting it, for fun. That way, when a bitch gets out of line, you can make her swallow your stale semen or something to that nature. I also like the Ziploc bag because it is always something that is readily available, whether I am at home, at a friend's house, or on vacation. An obvious drawback to using a Ziploc bag is that they don't come cheap, often times a pack of 20 cost upwards of $4.00

2) The Tube Sock is great because you can find a tube sock anywhere you go. I'm not against starching a buddy's tube sock if I'm in the need to "choke the chicken" at their house, but then again, I can be a nice guy about it and just grab a Ziploc bag. It might look pretty weird asking a buddy for a Ziploc bag though. The sock is also great because it is a semi permiable object which would allow you to air your little buddy while jerking off. The problem with a tube sock though, is that if you neglect to put it in the hamper right after, if you put it on, you might have spooge on your foot.

3) Kleenex is cool because it is the cheapest way to go. A box of kleenex costs around $1.50 for a box of 100 so that's 50 times you can stroke the salami, assuming you use 2 kleenex tissues each time. Kleenex is also discrete because once you throw it away you're done with it. This is the best way to go, because whether you're in bed, in a restaurant, or at a picture show, when the urge arises, boom, you can get some kleenex and there you go, no semen stains on your pants. The biggest drawback of using kleenex is that if you run out, you have to resort to option 1 or 2, unless you have an endless supply of kleenex on hand.

I'm a big fan of the Ziploc bag, because i think it's the best way to spread spooge on a woman. Nothing like giving a woman bukkake with 3 day old semen. I think the Ziploc disbursal of semen works best when followed up with a Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaow!