State of the Poon Address

Gentlemen of Phil's Blog:

I come to you with issues plaguing men across this fine world. Problems which broads everywhere rather than helping men address them, are just making them worse as time goes on.

Remember the days when you married a woman and you got a field of land and some cows as your dowry? I dream of a day when we can own our women and tell them what to do, what hole we want to put it in, and what we want sucked, and when. If you tell a woman the words blow and job in the same conversation, you're facing a sexual harrassment lawsuit followed by a scarlett letter on your chest.

I long for the halcyon days when grabbing a woman's crotch was legal. You could stick your hand between her legs and yell "Yaaaaaaaaaaoooow," and she would show her appreciation by giving you a hand job. Now if you look at a woman's crotch, you're going to jail for sexual assault. No wandering eyes! That means you!

Back in the good old days, if you hired a secretary, it was the same as having a mistress. You could tell your secretary what to do, and after she went under the desk to give you a management style hummer, she brought you a cup of coffee and some donuts. Now you can't even look at your secretary without wondering if that bitch is going to get you fired for thinking about her size 14 ass. Look...ass is another pussy.

Don't even get me started on having sex with girls that took too much G, Liquor, or Cocaine and decided to pass out. How inconsiderate of them to do such a misdeed. In the days of yore, you could totally spooge in a girl who passed out, and it was considered a badge of honor for multiple guys to release their semen in said girl. Now, if you look at a girl who is passed out and even get a hard on from thinking about releasing inside her, you're looking at a rape charge.

Dear gentlemen of Phil's blog, I worry that as time goes on, even missionary intercourse will become illegal. I sometimes wake up with a woody and in a cold sweat and I think when will I get convicted for having an erection in public.

Till then...Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooow! Siiiiiiiiiiit on my faaaaaaaaaaaaaace!