Dead women who I'd be down to do...

As a red-blodded American man, I like to jack off. I lubricate my hands with some sweat and I go to town on my little buddy, and of course I like to stroke my little buddy while watching a pornographic movie, old 90210 episodes, or of course, Rachel Ray. That being said, we often forget the women who have left us, and I submit to you, a list of some departed women, who I would love to penetrate.

1) Jacqueline Kennedy Onaissis - You know she has some DSL's, after all she married two rich guys and no rich guy would marry a hoe who can't give fellatio. That being said, I've seen some pictures of her and I would love to finger her while she looks me in the eyes. Even as she got older, even as the pussy became dry, I would still use my sweat to lube her up.

2) Caroline Bessett Kennedy - Like her departed mother in law, you know she's down for whatever fetishes you have, as a girl has to do what is needed to attract the rich men. I would love to face f*ck her or stick my penis between her breasts.

3) Laci Peterson - There is something innocent and/or virginal about her, which makes me want her. Yeah she was a little chunky, so you know she's open to taking all of you in every hole on her body. I wouldn't go so far as to call her a 2-5er, since she's a moderate BBW - maybe she's a 1-6er.

4) Marilyn Monroe - I want to stroke my penis while watching that tape of her sucking some man's dick, because after that, I could only imagine what she would do to me. A young starlet in the 1940's - you know she's always DTF.

5) Margaux Hemingway - She died of an eating disorder, so imagine if she had met me before she died. I would have fed her my cock, and probably saved her life, and she would have had to service me on a regular basis.

6) Terri Schiavo - Before she decided to become a vegetable, she looked pretty good. I would have definitely starched my tube sock looking at her pictures, but then she fucked up and got hospitalized. Since she had a feeding tube in her mouth, you know she's down for some other type of tube. Bonus - you could have done some dirty deeds while she was in the hospital, and you wouldn't need protection, because there's no way she would know who you are.

Special Phil Bonus:

1) Jon Benet Ramsey - She would be in the tickler file, but you know at 18 she would have been down to have that ass spread. Kids who grow up with pushy parents have serious issues and that would have been hot.

Ok, so now I'm going to hell very fast, but before you judge me, it's not my fault that the hoes on my list decided to die. I can't control what makes me hard, so if you have a problem with that, go fist yourself.