How to determine if a woman is marriage material

Gentlemen, I know some of you out there may decide at some point that the prudent thing to do is to get married. After all, we are in a recession, and if you can get someone else to throw some cash into the till, why not? Before you decide to take the plunge and allow someone access to your bank account, here are some determining factors, you must consider.

1) She better not be a BBW - we all know that while BBW's will suck anywhere you want and let you act out any and all fetishes you might desire, but do you think a BBW has any real potential. Also, do you really want to introduce Ms. Cholesterol Saturated Fat, as your wife at the company picnic?

2) If you marry a BBW, she better not have kids - do you really want to take care of some other person's trash? Every time you look at the bastard children of your BBW wife, Ms. Cholesterol Saturated Fat, you have to see the face of the man who your BBW wife allowed to penetrate her, and probably drop a steamer on her chest.

3) Just don't marry a BBW - while they are a great 2-5'er, I've just given you two reasons for why a BBW is not marriage material.

4) Takes serious health ailments in stride - nothing is more of a mood killer than your wife not being DTF if she finds out she has the cancer, diabetes, or menopause. So what? You don't have cancer, and you're DTF, so your wife better take in your little buddy. Just make sure if your wife has cancer, you don't catch the chemo - it kills.

5) Knows the meaning of Cap'n save-a-hoe and other urban slang - nothing looks worse than if a woman doesn't know the meaning of Cap'n save-a-hoe, Pigeon, Scrub, Skeezer, Trick hoe, et al. Make sure that she is educated on the lingo of the hood, so if she hears one of the aforementioned at a cookout, she doesn't have to be educated.

6) Has a tight vaginal area - Face it, a woman who is not tight, is used. We can spooge in any woman we want, but women are supposed to remain clean and virginal until we decide we want to spooge in their vagina. Doing a loose girl is like throwing a hotdog down a hallway - you want the girl to be so tight that she can feel everything you have inside her, whether it be a penis, fist, or foreign object.

7) She better be impervious to the latin payyon - If your hoe meets criteria 1-6, the most important hurdle to overcome is that she needs to be impervious to Antonio Lopez, the resident latin lover. Just whisper this into her ear: "Joo wanna some payyon in jor mouth," and if she gives you an odd look, you know she's a keeper. However, if asking her "Joo wanna some payyon in jor mouth," makes her tingle, you know she'll dump you for Antonio Lopez as soon as she sees him.

Good luck men, I hope this list works. Keep in mind, that when and if you get married, that joo (you) make sure she meets all the criteria. If not, just spooge in her and get the hell out of dodge. You must never reveal your real identity or wear socks, until you know she's the one for you!