Friends of the blog, as the holiday season approaches us, there are a list of things that I want to give my thanks for, things that I am proud to have in my life, and overall stuff that I appreciate, so with no further adieu, here is a list of things I am thankful for:
1) Great friends: Fernanado Lunarzano, Malcolm James McCurry, and Chang Lee - you are the greatest. Your ideas keep the blog rolling and you each suck balls. Can't wait for Chang's disco flatbed truck!
2) BBW's - when I strike out at the local bar, you give me a warm place to insert my penis and an excuse to wake up early in the morning to redeem myself. Geez girl, you so big, I can completely cover myself in your rolls of fat, so when I'm with you from 2-5 AM, I don't even need a blanket.
3) (Legal) Party Favors - when I meet a girl who is a prude, if she (willingly, of course) takes you, she's willing to accept my spooge inside her, no matter what.
4) False Identities - I love you! If it wasn't for you, I'd be on the hook for a lot of child support, and of course be paying for a lot of condoms. So many times I have used the name Clay Banshee, and the women have bought it. For all you readers don't be stupid and use your real name, and wear socks when you go to some stupid bitch's house, it's a sure way to get caught. Remember, your only real protection is your false identity. Why waste so much money on a condom?
5) Diseased girls - I'm glad I met you, because I can get pity sex out of you, since you're not going to turn me down. I mean, why would a girl who is about to die turn me down? Find a nice looking girl with cancer or diabetes and let her know how hot you find her. You're surely going to get some pre-mortem fellatio. Just don't catch the chemo!
6) Antonio Lopez - You have taught me how to get any girl just by pretending to be a Latin Lover. Just change the "Y" in any word to a "J" and boom, the panties come off. My closing ratio has improved by 36.2% since I changed my name from Phil Asheeyo to Antonio Lopez-Suarez. Joos remember ladies, I can provide payyon at any time joo want, joos spread jor legs.
7) Cleveland Steamer, Indiana Icepick, Calcutta Creampie, and the Shanghai Shooter - No bitch can ever say that I'm not cultured. I know the ways of my urban friends in Cleveland and Indiana, and I know the international ways of my friends in India and China. Gotta love the Chinese - they so dirty.
With the holidays coming, a special thanks to the above! Phil is going to be on hiatus beginning Thursday, November 27th, until Monday, December 8th. Keep reading the blog though, as it is going to be 78% more tasteless and 81% more groin grabbing!
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