New Years Resolutions

Happy 2009, readers of Phil's blog!!! Thank you for your continued support and I promise 2009 will be the best year ever for Phil Asheeyo Joe.

With the beginning of a new year comes opportunities to start anew and accomplish goals that were not addressed in the previous year.

Here are some goals which all my readers should try to achieve as the new year begins:

1) Put at least 3 girls a month in Stage 1, 2 girls in Stage 2, and 1 girl in Stage 4. Remember, you can knock this goal out if you have a steady diet of BBW's, toothless women, cancer girls, and party favors handy. Don't be stupid and give the girls your real name, and don't waste any money on condoms. Remember, your only protection is your made up name, etc.

2) Incorporate some latin payyon in your daily life. Women, especially relatively hot ones, love latin men, so remember, adjusting the way joo talk can often translate into 3 or 4 extra women to face fuck on a monthly basis. Chang Lee can easily become Carlos Leon de Montes with a sombrero and some payyonate words for the ladies.

3) Befriend at least 1 girl who has terminal cancer. Women who are about to die will let you stage 4 them 85% more often than women who are going to live a long and happy life. Plus, if you slip up and tell cancer girl your real name and spooge inside her, since she's about to die, the bastard kid will never be born.

4) Raise your standards. Hey, it's a new year, time to stop going for the 300 pound BBW's and trade up, for the 245 lb BBW's. They're a little lighter and I bet more flexible too. The hotter the girl, the better your self esteem will be. Remember, keep the 300 lb BBW when you're really desperate.

5) Quaaludes-a-plenty. Women are 78% more likely to allow your finger in their vagina if you enhance their night with (legal) party favors. Now I'm not suggesting you feed them Quaaludes to lubricate their hole down below, but maybe an extra shot of 151 or something similar. Remember, party favors make every girl a party girl.

6) Just go out there and have fun. No matter what, as long as you have a good false identity, some party favors, a diet of fat or terminally ill girls, and a payyonate latin accent, life will never be too boring.

On a sad note, I want to offer my condolences to Kelly Preston and that guy she shacks up with, regarding the death of their son. It's always sad when someone dies, but my sources tell me that KD disease is often passed from the father. So really, Kelly Preston's guy's fault that the kid died. Stupid parents - not checking their genome. Anyways Kelly, if you need to mourn the loss, I have a lap available at all times for your face. I'm ready for my thank you fellatio!

Make me proud Phil's Readers!