A topicless blog

Q: What is the difference between a woman with cancer and a woman with diabetes?

A: You can't catch chemo from a diabetic.

Q: What do a terminally ill woman and Heath Ledger have in common?

A: Nothing, unless the ill woman is going to commit suicide.

Ok, so I'm officially going to hell now, but on the way, let's discuss a few things. It's Friday night, and you have no plans, but want to get a woman. Allow me to present C-Mud's Friday Night kit. In this kit, you'll find everything you need to party. It's an average looking stainless steel kit with a few essentials: lubricant, anal beads, quaaludes, blow, and pixie dust. Take this kit with you and if used correctly on a woman, you're guaranteed to get them to Stage 3, at a minumum.

Of course, C-Mud is EOPM (Equal Opportunity Poon Man) so his kit will need to be altered for people of different persuasions. If you meet the BBW, above 18, of course, you'll need to buy some Jell-o pudding. If you meet a black woman, you'll need to get your hands on some crack.

The C-Mud Friday Night kit is available at fine retailers for $59.99.

Ok, so you forgot your C-Mud Friday night kit, on to scenario # 2. The club is about to close, and your little buddy is hard. This is the perfect time to get your hands on a BBW. Just make sure you don't tell her your real name. The best name to use is that of your worst enemy. That way, if she gets pregnant, your worst enemy is on the hook. Feed the BBW a slice of pizza or a macho burrito and you're guaranteed to get her in Stage 4.

So you're not at the club anymore, maybe you didn't get in, or you got kicked out for Yaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooow!-ing it up (which should be legal) with every girl..on to scenario #3. A cancer (or non-STD) support group. Find the sickest looking girl there, maybe one hooked up to an oxygen machine or ivy and offer her some consolation. Tell her you're dying too and you're going to die a virgin, unless terminally ill cancer girl is willing to give you some pity love. Cancer girls are 74.9% more likely to give pity love than girls without cancer, as they're going to die too. A girl on her deathbed can be a slut because no one will mention that in her eulogy. Remember, wear a condom when doing a cancer girl, as they spread the chemo, a condition that kills. (I know someone who died of the chemo)

If you don't have a support group in your village, and scenario 1 and 2 are not doing it for you, your last ditch effort is to find that hot aunt or cousin that you're related to, not by blood, and instigate some stuff between them and their spouse. After they fight with their spouse, go over and console the aunt or cousin and while they're crying, put them in stage 1. Stage 2-4 will surely follow when they realize that you're more than just a shoulder to cry on. Make sure they're related to you, not by blood, as I do not condone having sex with blood relatives - it's illegal.

It's a bad, bad world out there boys, you have 1 thing to protect you, your false identity. Don't be a fool!