How/Where to have sex with a woman while at a party

Often times, the author of this blog likes to go for an occasional soiree, where there might be a person of the opposite sex. Said person of the opposite sex may decide to imbibe herself in a cocktail or two, and at the end of the night, she is *ahem, DTF. Down to fornicate.

There are certain considerations one needs to take before deciding to fornicate with a woman who has imbibed herself in a few libations.

1) Make sure when she is about to fellate you, that you're not wearing a Rolex or Cartier watch. I've heard of stories where a woman is sucking off some man and steals his watch and places it in her snatch. Unless you want to be out a few thousand dollars, put the Rolex away first.

2) If you're going to nail her in a house, make sure the house has no distinctive features; i.e: the only pink house on a street with brick houses, or a palm tree in the front, etc. A girl who is being nailed sans condom (which is the only way to go) may remember one distinct feature about the house, and trace her steps, and soon KaBoom! You're nailed for impregnating her or giving her Syphillis.

3) Make sure you have no distinct features. No cornrows (if you're African American), if you are wearing a sombrero or poncho (if you're Mexican), if you have a fu-man-chu (Chinese) or a turban (Indian) get rid of it on the double. A girl might find cornrows or a sombrero endearing and attractive, but once you spooge inside her, that feature might be all she remembers you by. Just imagine this conversation: (RG = Random girl, RGF = Random girl's friend)

RG: I think I be pregnant
RGF: By who, girlfriend?
RG: By some scrub with a sombrero I met at the party
RGF: Damn girl! Fernando owns a sombrero
RG: I gots to get paid!

Poor Fernando is going to get nailed for 18 years of child support

4) Next to a car is good. See you don't want to get inside a girl, inside your car for two reasons. The first being that you don't want your car to smell like a stripper pole, and the second being that a girl might write down your VIN number and text it to her friends. Once you impregnate her, all she has to do is go to the DMV and boom, she knows who you are and you're done for 18 years. Just nail her against the wall by a car, and point to some other unsuspecting fool's car to her. Let some sucker pay her child support.

If you're not finding any drunk girls, it's okay. Just go to a crowded section of the dance floor and Yaaaaaaoooow all night long. If you grab a few crotches, one might actually want to grab yours back. Foo!