Ways to save time and money

In today's world, dear readers, we are pressed because of our lack of sufficient funds, time, and a growing global crisis. If you have to take on a 2nd job, or need to cut back because your bills are starting to pile up, here are some time saving & money saving tips:

1) Use the shower for more than bathing: Yes it's true, you can brush your teeth, shave your beard, and even take your morning poo. Think about it, you can force the poo down the drain, and then you can wash your derriere rather than killing trees for toilet paper. If your drain is not wide enough for said poo, you can remove your drain cap and make the poo move down the drain with some drain-o.

2) When masturbating, you can use your pre cum and semen for more than starching a tube sock. If you have anything that needs to be glazed, like some unfinished porcelain or wood, a thin layer of semen can work just as well. After you collect the ejaculate in a pail or saucer, you can take a brush and paint it on the porcelain object you are trying to glaze, and voila! You've just saved both money and time. Be sure to wash the brush, because a woman can impregnate herself if there is semen on the brush.

3) When you're having sex with a fat woman, if at her place, after you are done receiving copious amounts of fellatio and having your pipes drained (as what the fatties are good for) instead of wasting time expelling urine in a toilet, just do what you need to do on her bed. It'll be so wet with her sweat, she probably won't know any different. Just make sure you don't leave your condom behind, because she can remove your "seed" from the condom.

4) When you sweat, collect the excess persperation in a canteen. This can save you money on lube, whether it's for jacking yourself, your friend, or fingering a girl you meet at a party. Rather than using your hard earned money for vaseline or lotion, save it. You'll be surprised if you collect sweat, how much money can be saved over the course of a year. Use the excess savings on party favors for parties. Legal ones, of course.

Dear readers this is just a short list of what to do to save money or time. Other ideas are out there, but you need to come up with some ingenuity. Since I do all of the above, I can afford to invest in the down-trodden stock market and buy useless things, like deoderant.